News and Shock!

So, I don't really write here much because there isn't really anything to update on. There have been no new concerts because it's the school year and things are busy as hell, and literally every Sick Puppies emotion Jenn and I have ever had is completely gone. We don't even dream about them, which means they aren't even existing in our subconscious.

I literally haven't even heard, said, or thought the words "Sick Puppies" in months. Until tonight. Jennifer called me and said she had huge news to tell me. I was like oooook...... then she continues to tell me that news just broke that Shim left Sick Puppies. I don't even know if there is a name for the emotion I felt. Like, I was in shock and disbelief. But also giddy, flustered, elated.......it was just a feeling I can't pin down. My heart was like beating so fast and I couldn't talk. If this would have happened 2 years ago I would have broken down on the floor into a ball and wept myself into an uncontrollable tizzy. But tonight, its like, I knew this was coming and I got out before the storm. I am not surprised, but I have to say, If I thought anyone was going to leave the band I thought it would have been Emma or Mark because they were pissed off at Shim. I pegged Shim to be too "tough guy" to quit. This just makes me laugh.

I know its crazy, but I know deep deep down in a depth unknown to anyone that Jenn and I were a small part of the straw that broke the camel's back. Not to say that we stopped being their fans and they were like, "Oh God we can't be a band now!" but just that Shim obviously knew why we left (cuz we made it clear) and he had to have had some sort of an honest moment at some point and been unhappy with the direction of his (or their) musical career. I mean, lets be honest, Connect didn't exactly top the charts. Or even make the charts for that matter. But besides the fact, somewhere along the way, Jenn and I were a minuscule part of this whole thing going down. I'm not even embarrassed or sorry about giving ourselves credit. I know the whole thing affected him. It was written all over his face. And he wouldn't have been so pissed off if it didn't bother him. So to say I'm anything but overjoyed is an understatement. I am so excited to creep forums and see what idiots are about to commit suicide over this shebackle.

I can say that this chapter is officially fucking closed!

Mosquitoes and Memories

My legs look diseased today as the scabs are showing up from the massive amount of mosquito bites I got while waiting for Chevelle after the show in Mississippi. One of the locals waiting with us told us that the mosquito is the state bird of Mississippi. haha I seriously itched so bad for 2 days. I almost couldn't stand it. I was just ripping off my skin. Now, they are just red scabs scattered around my thighs and ankles. People around here probably think I'm a meth addict. But whatever, it was worth it.

Today I was thinking about this blog and up until this point it has only been used as a means to talk about concerts we have gone to in the past year. But, I want to utilize this more to talk about live music and the feelings it brings to me and J.

 I got to thinking about what got me obsessed with going to concerts and I can trace it back to the late 90's when I fell in love with No Doubt. I don't just mean that I loved their songs on the radio I mean I was full out IN LOVE overly obsessed. My room was filled with posters on all four walls and the ceilings, for a few years in school I would only wear No Doubt T-shirts, I had every piece of memorabilia sold in their store, and I had VHS tapes of every TV performance they ever made. It was absolute ridiculousness. I remember bawling one time when they won MTV artist of the year. I couldn't even contain myself.  In 1997 my dad took me to see the Tragic Kingdom tour in St. Louis. I remember wearing my "No Doubt Any Time" shirt with my knee length jean shorts. I have never been so happy in my life. I remember exactly where we sat in the Riverport Amphitheater and I remember the exact moment that Gwen came out on stage in her studded crop top and fur coat. The anticipation that built up to that moment is unlike any other I've ever felt. That was the exact minute that I fell in love with concerts. To this day the best way I can describe my personality is "I live for the 30 seconds before a band comes onto the stage."

In the early 2000's I went on my first "tour". Because I have the coolest parents ever, I was able to go with my dad to No Doubt concerts in Kansas City and St. Louis. At the Kansas City show I experienced my first mosh pit. Thinking back to that now I cannot believe that I was in a mosh pit with my dad. It's almost laughable. I have a picture of myself in the mosh pit complete with flipped out hair, acne, and braces. But damn.....I looked so happy. It was a pure euphoric moment. I was within mere feet of my idols. I had water sprayed on me by the keyboard player, I touched the guitarists' hand, and I could see the sweat on freaking Gwen Stefani's face. It was the best day ever.

Throughout the 2000's I stayed obsessed with No Doubt. I traveled with my dad to numerous shows. We went to Las Vegas, Minneapolis, Illinois, and all over Missouri. These were my early days of touring. I guess I can blame my dad for my touring addiction! I ended up meeting No Doubt twice. I bawled and almost fainted the first time. The second time I was able to get my shit together a little bit but I'm pretty sure I still wasn't able to mutter a word. Those were the most amazing days.

Eventually my obsession died down and I packed up all of my memorabilia. But my love for concerts and touring stayed strong. I found different bands and expanded my traveling boundaries. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that stress free, naive bliss that filled those days following No Doubt with my dad. But I have learned so much and met so many great people and bands that even though I can't get rid of the stress and expectations, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

That is my story. Even if no one except J reads this, it feels good to put it out there. However, if anyone reads this who can relate or has a story of their own, I would love to hear it. It's nice to know you aren't the only crazy one! haha

A

Back on the Road

It feels so good to be able to tour blog again! Even though life has kind of gotten in the way and we haven't been to even half the concerts we used to in the summer, Jenn and I still found a few days to squeeze in 2 Chevelle shows outside of Missouri! :)

On this tour we found out so many things about ourselves and our lifestyles. We learned that it is possible (and okay!!!) to go to a concert without any expectations and still enjoy yourself. We learned that we can be nice and patient, and we can go to Oklahoma without death or serious injury!!

The trip started Tuesday with a show in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Due to a bad experience many years ago in Oklahoma (along with the ridiculous amount of toll roads and construction), we have very strategically avoided Oklahoma for years. But as part of our fresh start (and honestly, desperation for a possible show) we headed out for Tulsa. We didn't leave until day of show and didn't arrive at the venue until 3:30pm. For anyone who knows us, this is about 6-7 hours later than we usually arrive for a show! The most interesting thing is that we didn't even get into line at that point. We met a really good concert friend (and road mother) across the street for an amazing Mexican dinner. It was so great to catch up after 4 years and talk candidly about everything. It made being in Oklahoma better ;)

We got in line about an hour before doors. We weren't even close to being first and we didn't have heart attacks or die or anything. It was amazing. We ended up on the rail but not center. We managed to scoot right in front of Dean which was perfectly fine with us. The opening band, Highly Suspect, was amazing. We have fallen in love with their sound. I would highly recommend checking them out!!

 Chevelle was just unbelievable as usual! I smiled through the whole show! I rocked out, I cried, I laughed, I experienced everything that music is supposed to make you experience. I didn't calculate my movements, or anticipate glances, or pick and choose songs to "feel". I was just there. I was just happy. After the show we met Dean but the other guys didn't come out. I was absolutely ok with this.

We met up with our awesome Tulsa friends at IHOP again before leaving Oklahoma. We had such a great time. We talked until 3am! It was almost like a therapy session. We pretty much told them everything and didn't even care. It's the first time we've talked to someone else about the whole Sick Puppies thing. So that was an accomplishment for us. It helped us reach full closure. But real closure this time! We've been talking about the whole ordeal for a year now and convincing ourselves that we were over it. But it took this trip to actually move on and have a feeling of peace with everything. We sadly said goodbye to our friends and headed towards Memphis. We made it pretty far! We didn't stop until 5:30am. We slept in the car as usual and made it to Memphis the next afternoon.

It was so nice to have a really comfortable bed. We both crashed and didn't wake up until after dinner. We showered and went downtown. We were a little apprehensive about spending time in Memphis because everyone told us it was so dirty and dangerous. Completely the opposite! We had the best time in Memphis. We walked around all night. We had amazing food at a place called Huey's and we experienced Beale Street at it's best. We encountered the friendliest people you could ever imagine and were humbled by southern hospitality. It was a true life changing experience.

The next day we left Memphis and went to Tunica, Mississippi. On our way out of Memphis we were humbled yet again by the amazing people of the South. We tried fried corn and jojo's for the first time and we spent the trip relaxed and patient. Jennifer and I joked that we needed to move to Memphis for a year to rediscover our patience. Tunica was unbelievable. From the minute we walked in the casino doors every single person was friendly and courteous. Ellis, the front door security guard brought us magazines to make our wait a little less boring, and Sindy, the Bluesville "end all be all" took us under her wing and set us up for the night. We met Chevelle backstage before the show thanks to VIP passes from Sindy, and we got front row center about 15 minutes before doors opened. There was no opening band so our anticipation didn't last long. The show was amazing. They played a whole different setlist, including Closure and Envy, which seemed to hit at just the right time. I almost cried during each of these songs when I realized how much they spoke to me.

"I may not win the race
I may not reach the top
Or I may not live your way;
It doesn't mean I'm stuck here
We may not fit the mold
Kind of going off
Well, the medicine inside takes a stronger hold"

"Like a leach,
I hold on as if we belonged,
To some precious pure dream.
Cast off, you've seen what's beneath,
Now fail me."

"Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me."

After the show we said goodbye to Sindy and Jackie. Something we would NEVER do normally. It felt great and we were rewarded with kindness. We waited by the bus until the guys came out. They were all very talkative and funny and we had such a great time. We even talked to their TM and told him a funny story about a past show. He was very intrigued. Before we left we told everyone goodbye and thank you. They were all so nice and sweet. This is something we have never done before. We almost have a rule that we don't talk to people, we don't smile, we don't engage or interact. We just get our shit done and leave. We never want to let on that we want more or know more. We just keep mysterious. Being able to break that mold felt so good!!

We were so happy the entire way home. There was nothing to dissect. Nothing to feel depressed about. Just pure joy. We found a band that means something to us. We were purely happy the entire show. We didn't expect to be recognized or treated specially. When we weren't it was ok! That wasn't why we were there. The show was amazing on it's own. That's all that matters. We were so happy we decided to embrace the southern way and told the woman at McDonald's to have a blessed day. She responded with a genuine "you too!!" If we were to do that here we would probably get a WTF look and a "Fuck you". It's safe to say we will probably be touring the south exclusively from now on! haha :)

It is also safe to say that SP will not be entering our thoughts again. We have talked about closure for a year. We were never really over it. This was the week we needed to feel what true release feels like. It was a great time while it lasted. We lost ourselves. We got addicted to the drug. We went to rehab. We relapsed. We almost got lost again. This time we put ourselves through a true "dialysis" to come out clean and pure and in the right state of mind. It feels good. And as ridiculous as it sounds to say that we just got out of a bad relationship with a band, I know there are people out there who will understand and sympathize. It took some time and some roadblocks, but we have found the love of our life and we plan to live happily ever after!

Thank you again to our road parents in Tulsa. You guys are awesome! See you soon

A

Getting Back In The Groove!

So, it seems like a lifetime since summer, and Lancaster, and this blog. School has started, Jenn has gone back to Nashville, and life has gotten busy. We have all moved on and it's nice. I admit, it took a long time to get shit together and sort through thoughts and ideas from our last concert journey. We have talked about Sick Puppies a lot and we have talked about what happened in Lancaster a lot, but not once in those months of talking have we ever said, "wow I wish that hadn't have happened." Are there things that could have gone differently? Sure. But in the end it's all good! I still get ill feelings over the World Crew and the people that ruined so many good things, but then I laugh to myself and think of all the times that we knew people and we knew shit that people thought we didn't know because they didn't know us. And then I listen to Chevelle and I'm happy :)

Speaking of Chevelle........their new single is AMAZING! I pre-ordered their new album and I bought tickets to their STL show, which I will be attending with Jennifer and Devon! It's amazing that a rock band can stay a rock band throughout the years and still be successful. Beyond that, they can continue to make new and exciting sounds while still maintaining what makes them them (and their dignity). It will be so nice to get back into the concert routine. This STL show will be a good little warm up to our summer tour with Chevelle. Hopefully we can throw some HURT and Ten Years into the mix too and just make it an awesome tour summer. We haven't had one of those in 4 years. It always seems to be hit and miss.  I just want to get in a mosh pit and rock the fuck out.

Updates to come in the following weeks. Anticipation for 4-5 is killing me!

"It's bad enough I want the fear. I need the fear."

-Amanda

Recent Events and Closure

Hello! I am in a much better place today than I was the other day. I was feeling bad and upset about the events of Lancaster. However, some recent events have shown me (and Jenn) that this whole thing is so stupid! We are letting a stupid band run our thoughts 24 hours a day. It's over. We have both seen the light and we have both reached closure.

We started doing this whole thing because we were in love with the music. That developed a love for the band and a love for their concerts. However, over the years we grew to love their music less and less. But we kept going to the shows because they were fun. The most recent shows though, Since late 2010, haven't been fun. We haven't been going to them because we enjoyed them. It was more of a competition....  Just to see what we could make happen that night. We left more shows unhappy than happy. I honestly don't know why we did that to ourselves for as long as we did.

We go to Chevelle shows, and 10 years shows, and HURT shows, and Janus shows, and MCR shows for THE SHOW. I genuinely am so in love with every single part of their music and sound. Their words mean something to me. I'm not overwhelmed by meaningless messages. I got so sick of SP trying to give me a sad story message. It always had to be you're an outcast, things will get better, one day you won't be bullied......blah blah blah. I enjoy seeing bands when I connect with their music. I don't think I've ever left a Chevelle crying for any reason other than their words affected me in some way.

I'm just sad it took this long to have this realization. I shouldn't have ever made myself feel bad for something that I have felt for years. Next summer will be spent following those other bands I am actually in love with. Its going to be exciting and not a sick contest with no one other than myself.

Back to Real Life

Hey it's Amanda (the one who's done). So, summer is official a memory and life has started again. Jennifer left me and moved to Nashville for college and I started my second year of teaching. This year is by far a thousand times better than last year. I absolutely love my kids and they are all used to me now, so we get along a lot better! I am busy all of the time. I don't even have time to think. I only get to see the hubby one night a week between his work and classes, but I do try to ride a long with him every weekend. It's been weird not seeing Jenn everyday. We don't talk as often because we are both so busy but we try to talk whenever possible. I guess the good thing about that is that we don't have a chance to over analyze any stuff right now. That's basically all we do when we are together anyway.

This summer changed my life. I try not to be dramatic about it, but I honestly think about our little mini "tour" to the Northeast every day. We had so much fun going to Boston and NYC and discovering new places and things, but at the same time sad memories about the same trip just seem to overwhelm the good. I regret starting this blog every day. It seemed like such a good idea at the time but now I just want to take back the entire thing. I feel awful that I let my feelings become known to certain people. I thought it would feel so good to go out with a bang. To "win". For a brief second I really believed we did win.......now I'm not sure what I ever thought we were winning. I feel like I lost a lot. I made people feel bad. I hurt people's feelings. I made people question everything they believed about us. It just sucks! Maybe this doesn't even make sense, but I can't make sense of my own feelings. I got everything I wanted. I wanted them to know that I hated their new album. I wanted them to know that I was not coming to shows because I hated their attitudes sometimes. I wanted them to know that I do want all the attention. OK??? I do. That's all I needed them to know. I do want the fucking attention. There, I said it. It's out in the open.

I hate myself for letting them know all those things.

The only reason I wanted to go out with a bang so badly is because when I "left" Shinedown, they had no idea. I never knew if they wondered why I didn't come back, or if they ever thought about why I wasn't front row. They defined my life for so long and I went out so quietly. It just died one day and I never looked back. SP was so much more than Shinedown to me and I couldn't just let it die quietly. But it should have :(

To be completely blunt, I guess what got me so pissed about the attention thing is that I've put my entire life into following/supporting SP but most of the time I don't even know if they notice. And then, last summer Jenn and I spent some time following Chevelle and after only like 5 shows we were on their freaking tour bus hanging out like we were old friends. What the hell???

I guess I just thought we should be further with SP by now. That is such an awful thing to say, but I just wanted to move beyond fans and onto friends. I thought we could be friends with Emma. That's stupid to say now. Whatever. I'm done with my rant. I'm trying to move on. It's not as easy as I once thought it would be. But life is going on. The school year is going to get busy and soon it will be next summer. Maybe we will go have fun with Chevelle and start to forget this whole happened. Maybe it will continue to weigh on my heart and we will make the brave decision to try another SP show (probably from the back row this time). Only time will tell, but the only thing I can say is that I am truly sorry for everything and how this all turned out. It was only our faults and you never should have known what goes on in our heads. 

Amanda

Bidding Adieu

The Lancaster show was the third in our run of three on this little northeastern tour with SP. We were elated about the way the merch line had gone the night before because the band seemed happy to see us and chat with us. Those are the things that we love most about going to SP shows (besides their shows themselves). We had told each other we were going to be “on” all day in Lancaster and be really talkative to everyone because we wanted to make sure that we had a great time. We woke up late after sleeping in the car at 9am and we still had a 4.5 hour drive to Lancaster from whatever state we were in. This stressed us out already because we weren’t going to be getting to the venue until 2ish. We like to be there early to make sure we can get our spot in line and figure out the venue’s setup. Once we got there, we ran into Gerry and talked for awhile. It was really fun and comforting to talk to him. We finally opened up about all of the issues we’ve had with the world crew in the past and how the ambassador people are always rude to us because we aren’t active world crew members. Gerry told us he’d see us later and we took our spot in line. Later, we got hungry so we ran to the burrito place around the corner…about 5 minutes later Shim walked in. He came over and said hi and we were happy he acknowledged us. Then he went outside and we saw Emma. She waved at us and we said hi after she came into the burrito place too. As we got back into line, we were extremely happy that they seemed happy to see us. Besides running into about 17 different issues with getting in after doors opened, we got our place on the rail and waited for the show to start. The venue was packed with people and we knew the show was off to a great start. After the local band, 10 years came on and were better than ever. Jesse has such a presence. They ended their set by letting Jesse crowd surf on a pool raft. Before SP came onstage we were dying inside. We knew it was our last show of the run and possible our last show for a very long time (since we both have school and jobs we have to get back to). They came out and we were pumped. They were pumped. The energy was there and you could feel it. We both noticed how “on” Emma was. The whole band seemed to really be into this show. We caught Emma’s eye a few times throughout the show and got a few smiles. We saw Shim see us a few times but nothing major happened there. We were rocking out to every song we knew (except for the newer ones that aren’t fully our taste or the new ones we don’t know the words to). We still did all of the in between things Shim says in the songs that he only does live. We were having a blast. By the end of it (around All the Same) we both got a little sad because we realized it was over. After the set, we got a setlist from Kevin (because Johnny literally wouldn’t give us one) and walked over to the merch line. As we went through, we told them we had fun over the past few years in case we never saw them again. We said this because a) we wanted to let them know we weren’t in a position to devote our lives to seeing their shows anymore because of our jobs/school b) things have been a little different because we don’t know how to feel about the new album. Their reactions were so blah. They didn’t really seem to care. It was weird. Then we went over to Gerry and hugged him goodbye, meanwhile hearing Shim and Emma talking about us. They were pissed because we told them we weren’t coming back because it was complicated. As we walked out of the venue, A and I began to tear up. I told her we couldn’t leave it like that. I walked back upstairs and told Shim I needed to talk to him. I think he was surprised to see me. I’m not going to go into the detail of our conversation but I will say that it was more than I could have ever imagined. He told us something we were NOT expecting and it explained why he was pissed. I tried to explain why we felt the way we did now but it wasn’t coming out right. I was extremely flustered because I couldn’t find my words. I tried to be honest with him about how we felt but I don’t think it came out how I wanted it to. We essentially left bawling because we knew that things had just changed forever. I realize this sounds extremely dramatic and over the top and probably makes us sound a little (or a lot) crazy but this is just how we felt. So we woke up today to drive the 14.5 hours home and we were both speechless. We still are.

I (J) want to clarify a few things for Shim, who may (and I hope will be) reading this:

We were not doing any of this or saying anything to be malicious. For starters, why would we ever think that you even knew who we were enough to find the blog? It never crossed either of our minds that it would come into your sights. It was more of a memoir for ourselves to look back on. There has never been any indication on your end that you would put our face with a twitter name or that you would know our names in general.  I guess it’s insane for us to want attention at shows and small glances and the little things you fuck with us about. But those are what make us feel like you care that we are even there or that we have driven countless miles, spent tons of money, etc. The shows where we have had “weird vibes” as I put it last night are the ones where feel like you guys don’t care that we’re there. And maybe that’s crazy, but it’s my honest feeling. Also, I would NEVER want you to think we are trying to discredit your efforts or work. We have been supporting you guys since before DUAL came out and we would love to do it forever. With that said, we know that you guys put your hearts into this new album and you work harder than most bands ever do with touring and shows. That’s why we still spend all of the time/money we do to go to shows. However, if I’m being honest, No we don’t really dig the new stuff as much as the old stuff. I asked you about the album point blank last night and I trust what you told me. We know that you guys are beginning to cross-over and it’s kind of difficult to come to grips with. We didn’t decide to stop coming to shows because you were an ass or because you don’t rock out as much, it’s because we have to stop putting ourselves through this stress we can’t explain. We don’t even understand it. I’m sorry.

Emma and Mark: I hope you guys can understand how we are feeling. It’s hard to say it without it coming out sounding awful.

I think we both deep down want this all to fade away and us be able to go to shows and it not be weird from now on. I don’t honestly know if that could ever happen but SP will always have a large part of our hearts either way. We’ve had amazing times following this band and some of our favorite memories have come from our “tours”. This is probably the most honest we’ve been on this blog and it is fucking scary. I’m sure it is going to rub several people the wrong way but I guess it’s all out there now and we can go on from here.

J&A