Bidding Adieu

The Lancaster show was the third in our run of three on this little northeastern tour with SP. We were elated about the way the merch line had gone the night before because the band seemed happy to see us and chat with us. Those are the things that we love most about going to SP shows (besides their shows themselves). We had told each other we were going to be “on” all day in Lancaster and be really talkative to everyone because we wanted to make sure that we had a great time. We woke up late after sleeping in the car at 9am and we still had a 4.5 hour drive to Lancaster from whatever state we were in. This stressed us out already because we weren’t going to be getting to the venue until 2ish. We like to be there early to make sure we can get our spot in line and figure out the venue’s setup. Once we got there, we ran into Gerry and talked for awhile. It was really fun and comforting to talk to him. We finally opened up about all of the issues we’ve had with the world crew in the past and how the ambassador people are always rude to us because we aren’t active world crew members. Gerry told us he’d see us later and we took our spot in line. Later, we got hungry so we ran to the burrito place around the corner…about 5 minutes later Shim walked in. He came over and said hi and we were happy he acknowledged us. Then he went outside and we saw Emma. She waved at us and we said hi after she came into the burrito place too. As we got back into line, we were extremely happy that they seemed happy to see us. Besides running into about 17 different issues with getting in after doors opened, we got our place on the rail and waited for the show to start. The venue was packed with people and we knew the show was off to a great start. After the local band, 10 years came on and were better than ever. Jesse has such a presence. They ended their set by letting Jesse crowd surf on a pool raft. Before SP came onstage we were dying inside. We knew it was our last show of the run and possible our last show for a very long time (since we both have school and jobs we have to get back to). They came out and we were pumped. They were pumped. The energy was there and you could feel it. We both noticed how “on” Emma was. The whole band seemed to really be into this show. We caught Emma’s eye a few times throughout the show and got a few smiles. We saw Shim see us a few times but nothing major happened there. We were rocking out to every song we knew (except for the newer ones that aren’t fully our taste or the new ones we don’t know the words to). We still did all of the in between things Shim says in the songs that he only does live. We were having a blast. By the end of it (around All the Same) we both got a little sad because we realized it was over. After the set, we got a setlist from Kevin (because Johnny literally wouldn’t give us one) and walked over to the merch line. As we went through, we told them we had fun over the past few years in case we never saw them again. We said this because a) we wanted to let them know we weren’t in a position to devote our lives to seeing their shows anymore because of our jobs/school b) things have been a little different because we don’t know how to feel about the new album. Their reactions were so blah. They didn’t really seem to care. It was weird. Then we went over to Gerry and hugged him goodbye, meanwhile hearing Shim and Emma talking about us. They were pissed because we told them we weren’t coming back because it was complicated. As we walked out of the venue, A and I began to tear up. I told her we couldn’t leave it like that. I walked back upstairs and told Shim I needed to talk to him. I think he was surprised to see me. I’m not going to go into the detail of our conversation but I will say that it was more than I could have ever imagined. He told us something we were NOT expecting and it explained why he was pissed. I tried to explain why we felt the way we did now but it wasn’t coming out right. I was extremely flustered because I couldn’t find my words. I tried to be honest with him about how we felt but I don’t think it came out how I wanted it to. We essentially left bawling because we knew that things had just changed forever. I realize this sounds extremely dramatic and over the top and probably makes us sound a little (or a lot) crazy but this is just how we felt. So we woke up today to drive the 14.5 hours home and we were both speechless. We still are.

I (J) want to clarify a few things for Shim, who may (and I hope will be) reading this:

We were not doing any of this or saying anything to be malicious. For starters, why would we ever think that you even knew who we were enough to find the blog? It never crossed either of our minds that it would come into your sights. It was more of a memoir for ourselves to look back on. There has never been any indication on your end that you would put our face with a twitter name or that you would know our names in general.  I guess it’s insane for us to want attention at shows and small glances and the little things you fuck with us about. But those are what make us feel like you care that we are even there or that we have driven countless miles, spent tons of money, etc. The shows where we have had “weird vibes” as I put it last night are the ones where feel like you guys don’t care that we’re there. And maybe that’s crazy, but it’s my honest feeling. Also, I would NEVER want you to think we are trying to discredit your efforts or work. We have been supporting you guys since before DUAL came out and we would love to do it forever. With that said, we know that you guys put your hearts into this new album and you work harder than most bands ever do with touring and shows. That’s why we still spend all of the time/money we do to go to shows. However, if I’m being honest, No we don’t really dig the new stuff as much as the old stuff. I asked you about the album point blank last night and I trust what you told me. We know that you guys are beginning to cross-over and it’s kind of difficult to come to grips with. We didn’t decide to stop coming to shows because you were an ass or because you don’t rock out as much, it’s because we have to stop putting ourselves through this stress we can’t explain. We don’t even understand it. I’m sorry.

Emma and Mark: I hope you guys can understand how we are feeling. It’s hard to say it without it coming out sounding awful.

I think we both deep down want this all to fade away and us be able to go to shows and it not be weird from now on. I don’t honestly know if that could ever happen but SP will always have a large part of our hearts either way. We’ve had amazing times following this band and some of our favorite memories have come from our “tours”. This is probably the most honest we’ve been on this blog and it is fucking scary. I’m sure it is going to rub several people the wrong way but I guess it’s all out there now and we can go on from here.

J&A